The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98,
May 3, 1890., by Various

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Title: Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 98, May 3, 1890.

Author: Various

Editor: Sir F. C. (Francis Cowley) Burnand

Release Date: December 7, 2009 [EBook #30625]

Language: English

Character set encoding: ASCII

*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH-CHARIVARI, MAY 3, 1890 ***

Produced by Neville Allen,Malcolm Farmer and the Online
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PUNCH,

OR, THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOLUME 98.

MAY 3, 1890.

* * * * *

MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC-HALL DRAMAS.

[Illustration]

No. X.--TOMMY AND HIS SISTER JANE.

Once more we draw upon our favourite source of inspiration--the poems of
the Misses TAYLOR. The dramatist is serenely confident that the new
London County Council Censor of Plays, whenever that much-desired
official is appointed, will highly approve of this little piece on
account of the multiplicity of its morals. It is intended to teach,
amongst other useful lessons, that--as the poem on which it is founded
puts it--"Fruit in lanes is seldom good"; also, that it is not always
prudent to take a hint; again, that constructive murder is distinctly
reprehensible, and should never be indulged in by persons who cannot
control their countenances afterwards. Lastly, that suicide may often be
averted by the exercise of a little _savoir vivre._

CHARACTERS.

_Tommy and his Sister Jane (Taylorian Twins, and awful examples)._

_Their Wicked Uncle (plagiarised from a forgotten Nursery Story, and
slightly altered)._

_Old Farmer Copeer (skilled in the use of horse and cattle medicines)._

SCENE--_A shady lane; on the right, a gate, leading to the farm; left,
some bushes, covered with practicable scarlet berries._

_Enter the_ Wicked Uncle, _stealthily_.

_The W. U._ No peace of mind I e'er shall know again
Till I have cooked the geese of TOM and JANE!
But--though a naughty--I'm a nervous nunky,
For downright felonies I feel too funky!
I'd hire assassins--but of late the villains
Have raised their usual fee to fifteen shillin's!