when I had become exhausted, and the sharp agony was past; of rousing
myself to go about in a listless, apathetic way, waiting with dulled
sense for lists of killed and wounded; of the doctor bringing the paper
to me and saying, with his face all light: 'He is not dead; you will
find his name among the wounded;' of finding where he was, eluding their
vigilance, and travelling night and day until I reached the place. All
this seems vague and unreal, as a half-forgotten dream--too dim and
lifeless for memory. Entire change of scene, new sights and faces, and,
more than all, the conviction that the time had come for action _now_,
and that _he_ would need me, roused me from this misty state a little.
When I landed at the place, I think I recovered the clear consciousness
of my surroundings, while standing in the provost-marshal's office (the
city was under military rule) waiting my turn to speak.

Then I thought for the first time what a mad thing it was in me to have
come at all--at least, to have come in the way I had come; I, so
unpractical, so wofully lacking in that sterling common sense, that
potent weapon with which women battled successfully with the stern
realities of life; and thinking, too, with a dull pain at my heart, that
doubtless my darling would suffer by reason of my ignorance and
inability. I studied the mass of strange faces about me, thinking to
which I would turn for help, if help were needed. After reading them,
one after another, and rejecting them, I turned at last to a group in
front of me, and singled out one that was addressing the others, a man
of consequence among them--at least a certain superiority of air and
manner led to that conjecture. He had a fine open face, whose expression
changed continually; and the more I studied the face, the more I placed
a blind trust and reliance in it. Attracted by the magnetism of a fixed
gaze, probably, his eyes wandered from the group about him, after a
little while, wandered aimlessly about the room, and then met mine.
Seeing that I was watching him, or observing, perhaps, that I was
suffering, though, Heaven knows, the sight of misery of all kinds
_there_ was common enough, he crossed the room and came to me. 'You may
be obliged to wait some time longer yet,' he said, in a tone of hearty
kindness; 'you look ill, madam. You had better sit down.' He found a
chair and brought it to me. He was on the point of leaving, but I
grasped his arm as he turned to go.