Having sacrilegiously cut the string, they unrolled one envelop
of mats and cloths after another, until they had taken off more than a
hundred wrappers. The god grew smaller, and smaller, and smaller; and
the wonder of the travelers what he could be, larger and larger. At
last, the very innermost of all the coverings fell off, and the great
heathen god was revealed in all his native majesty. It was a cracked
soda-water bottle! This indicates--what is beyond all question the
fact--that the heathen mysteries had their foundation in gas. Indeed,
the whole composition of these impositions was, gammon, deception,
hypocrisy--Humbug! Truly, the science of Humbug is entitled to some
consideration, simply for its antiquity, if for nothing else.

CHAPTER XLVII.

HEATHEN HUMBUGS NO. 2.--HEATHEN STATED
SERVICES.--ORACLES.--SIBYLS.--AUGURIES.

Something must be said about the Oracles, the Sibyls, and the Auguries;
which, besides the mysteries elsewhere spoken of, were the chief
assistant humbugs or side shows used for keeping up the great humbug
heathen religion.

One word about the regular worship of heathenism; what maybe called
their stated services. They had no weekly day of worship, indeed no
week, and no preaching such as ours is; that is, no regular instruction
by the ministers of religion, intended for all the people. They had
singing and praying after their fashion; the singing being a sort of
chant of praise to whatever idol was under treatment at the time, and
the praying being in part vain repetitions of the name of their god, and
for the rest a request that the god would do or give whatever was asked
of him as a fair business transaction, in return for the agreeable smell
of the fine beef they had just roasted under his nose, or for whatever
else they had given him; as, a sum of money, a pair of pantaloons (or
whatever they wore instead,) a handsome golden cup. This made the temple
a regular shop, where the priests traded off promised benefits for real
beef; coining blessings into cash on the nail; a very thorough humbug.
Such public religious ceremonies as the heathen had were mostly annual,
sometimes monthly. There were also daily ones, which were, however, the
daily business of the priests, and none of the business of the laymen.
To return to the subject.

All the heathen oracles, old and new (for abundance of them are still
agoing,) sibyls, auguries and all, show how universally and naturally,
and hum