You can't do it--clear out!"

And he did clear out.

A pious maiden lady, in one of our New-England villages, was known to
possess three peculiarities. First, she was a very religious, honest,
matter-of-fact woman. Second, she supposed everybody else was equally
honest; hence she was very credulous, always believing everything she
heard. And third, having "a conscience void of offense," she saw no
reason to be afraid of anything; consequently, she feared nothing.

On a dark night, some boys, knowing that she would be returning home
alone from prayer-meeting, through an unfrequented street, determined to
test two of her peculiarities, viz., her credulity and her courage. One
of the boys was sewed up in a huge shaggy bear-skin, and as the old
lady's feet were heard pattering down the street, he threw himself
directly in her path and commenced making a terrible noise.

"Mercy!" exclaimed the old lady. "Who are you?"

"I am the devil!" was the reply.

"Well, you are a poor creature!" responded the antiquated virgin, as she
stepped aside and passed by the strange animal, probably not for a
moment doubting it was his Satanic Majesty, but certainly not dreaming
of being afraid of him.

It is said that a Yankee tin peddler, who had frequently cheated most of
the people in the vicinity of a New England village through which he was
passing, was induced by some of the acute ones to join them in a
drinking bout. He finally became stone drunk; and in that condition
these wags carried him to a dark rocky cave near the village, then,
dressing themselves in raw-head-and-bloody-bones' style, awaited his
return to consciousness.

As he began rousing himself, they lighted some huge torches, and also
set fire to some bundles of straw, and three or four rolls of brimstone,
which they had placed in different parts of the cavern. The peddler
rubbed his eyes, and seeing and smelling all these evidences of
pandemonium, concluded he had died, and was now partaking of his final
doom. But he took it very philosophically, for he complacently remarked
to himself.

"In hell--just as I expected!"

A story is told of a cool old sea captain, with a virago of a wife, who
met one of these artificial devils in a lonely place. As the ghost
obstructed his path, the old fellow remarked:

"If you are not the devil, get out! If you are, come along with me and
get supper. I married your sister!"

CHAPTER XXXVI.

MAGICAL HUMBUGS.--VIRGIL.