ause 'e felt
that 'e had earned 'em. He said that if 'e told 'em all 'e'd done to
make sure o' the prize they'd be surprised. He said that 'e'd been like
Ralph Thomson's pig, up early and late.

"He stood up there talking as though 'e was never going to leave
off, and said that 'e hoped as 'is example would be of benefit to 'is
neighbours. Some of 'em seemed to think that digging was everything,
but 'e could say with pride that 'e 'adn't put a spade to 'is garden for
three years until a week ago, and then not much.

"He finished 'is remarks by saying that 'e was going to give a tea-party
up at the Cauliflower to christen the teapot, where 'e'd be pleased to
welcome all friends. Quite a crowd got up and followed 'im out then,
instead o' waiting for the dissolving views, and came back 'arf an
hour arterwards, saying that until they'd got as far as the Cauliflower
they'd no idea as Bob was so per-tikler who 'e mixed with.

"That was the last Flower Show we ever 'ad in Claybury, Mrs. Pawlett and
the judges meeting the tea-party coming 'ome, and 'aving to get over
a gate into a field to let it pass. What with that and Mrs. Pawlett
tumbling over something further up the road, which turned out to be the
teapot, smelling strong of beer, the Flower Show was given up, and the
parson preached three Sundays running on the sin of beer-drinking to
children who'd never 'ad any and wimmen who couldn't get it."

PRIVATE CLOTHES

At half-past nine the crew of the _Merman_ were buried in slumber, at
nine thirty-two three of the members were awake with heads protruding
out of their bunks, trying to peer through the gloom, while the fourth
dreamt that a tea-tray was falling down a never-ending staircase. On
the floor of the forecastle something was cursing prettily and rubbing
itself.

"Did you 'ear anything, Ted?" inquired a voice in an interval of
silence.

"Who is it?" demanded Ted, ignoring the question. "Wot d'yer want?"

"I'll let you know who I am," said a thick and angry voice. "I've broke
my blarsted back."

"Light the lamp, Bill," said Ted.

Bill struck a tandsticker match, and carefully nursing the tiny
sulphurous flame with his hand, saw dimly some high-coloured object on
the floor.

He got out of his bunk and lit the lamp, and an angry and very drunken
member of Her Majesty's foot forces became visible.

"Wot are you doin' 'ere?" inquired Ted, sharply, "this ain't the
guard-room."

"Who knocked me over?"