"It certainly doesn't seem so."

"Well, then, what do you say to this? What do you think of a critic
who remarks,

"'But the most extraordinary thing in the picture is the group in
the foreground. An old lady with an iron coal-scuttle on her head is
handing some black pills to a ballet-dancer dressed in pink tights,
while another woman in a badly-fitting chemise stands by them brushing
off the flies with the branch of a tree, with a canary-bird resting
upon her shoulder and trying to sing at some small boys who are seen
in the other corner of the field. What this means we haven't the
remotest idea; but we do know that the ballet-dancers' legs have the
knee-pans at the back of the joint, and that the canary-bird looks
more as if he wanted to eat the coal-scuttle than as if he desired to
sing.'

"This is too bad. Do you know what that beautiful group really
represents? That old lady, as your idiot calls her, is Minerva, the
goddess of War, handing cannon balls to the goddess of Love as a token
there shall be no more war. And the figure in what he considers the
chemise is the genius of Liberty holding out an olive branch with
one hand, while upon her shoulder rests an American eagle screaming
defiance at the enemies of his country, who are seen fleeing in the
distance. Canary bird! small boys! ballet-girl! The man is crazy, sir;
stark, staring mad. And now I want you to write up an explanation for
me. This kind of thing exposes me to derision. I can't stand it, and,
by George! I won't! I'll sue you for libel."

Then the major promised to make amends, and Mr. Brewer withdrew in a
calmer mood.

CHAPTER XX.

_HIGH ART_.

An itinerant theatrical company gave two or three performances in
Millburg last winter, and in a very creditable fashion, too. One of
the plays produced was Shakespere's "King John," with the "eminent
tragedian Mr. Hammer" in the character of the _King_. It is likely
that but for an unfortunate misunderstanding the entertainment would
have been wholly delightful. There is a good deal of flourishing of
trumpets in the drama, and the manager, not having a trumpeter of his
own, engaged a German musician named Schenck to supply the music.
Schenck doesn't understand the English language very well, and the
manager put him behind the scenes on the left of the stage, while the
manager stood in the wing at the right of the stage. Then Schenck was
instructed to toot his trumpet when the manager si