dances the Highland fling with
grotesque antics)_ Leg it, ye devils! _(He kisses the bedsores of a
palsied veteran_) Honourable wounds! _(He trips up a fit policeman)_
U. p: up. U. p: up. _(He whispers in the ear of a blushing waitress and
laughs kindly)_ Ah, naughty, naughty! _(He eats a raw turnip offered
him by Maurice Butterly, farmer)_ Fine! Splendid! _(He refuses to
accept three shillings offered him by Joseph Hynes, journalist)_ My dear
fellow, not at all! (He gives his coat to a beggar) Please accept. _(He
takes part in a stomach race with elderly male and female cripples)_
Come on, boys! Wriggle it, girls!

THE CITIZEN: _(Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald
muffler)_ May the good God bless him!

_(The rams' horns sound for silence. The standard of Zion is hoisted.)_

BLOOM: _(Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and
reads solemnly)_ Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom
Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim
Meshuggah Talith.

_(An official translation is read by Jimmy Henry, assistant town
clerk.)_

JIMMY HENRY: The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic
Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal
advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited.
Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year I of the Paradisiacal
Era.

PADDY LEONARD: What am I to do about my rates and taxes?

BLOOM: Pay them, my friend.

PADDY LEONARD: Thank you.

NOSEY FLYNN: Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?

BLOOM: _(Obdurately)_ Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are
bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five
pounds.

J. J. O'MOLLOY: A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O'Brien!

NOSEY FLYNN: Where do I draw the five pounds?

PISSER BURKE: For bladder trouble?

BLOOM:

_Acid. nit. hydrochlor. dil.,_ 20 minims
_Tinct. nux vom.,_ 5 minims
_Extr. taraxel. iiq.,_ 30 minims.
_Aq. dis. ter in die._

CHRIS CALLINAN: What is the parallax of the subsolar ecliptic of
Aldebaran?

BLOOM: Pleased to hear from you, Chris. K. II.

JOE HYNES: Why aren't you in uniform?

BLOOM: When my progenitor of sainted memory wore the uniform of the
Austrian despot in a dank prison where was yours?

BEN DOLLARD: Pansies?

BLOOM: Embellish (beautify) suburban gardens.

BEN DOLLARD: When twins arrive?

BLOOM: Father (pater