poverty she had ever
known brought no such humiliation as this! Poor Nelly's lot now was a
hundredfold superior to hers. She saw, too, that reserve once broken on
such a theme, her father would not scruple to renew the application
as often as he needed money. It was clear enough that he saw no
embarrassment, nor any difficulty for her in the matter; that it neither
could offend her feelings nor compromise her position. Could she descend
to an evasive or equivocal reply, his temper would as certainly
boil over, and an insulting letter would at once be addressed to Sir
Stafford. Were she to make the request and fail, he would order her
home, and under what circumstances should she leave the house of her
benefactors! And yet all this was better than success.

In such harassing reflections warring and jarring in her mind, the long
hours of the night were passed. She wept, too: the bitterest tears are
those that are wrung from shame and sorrow mingled. Many a generous
resolve, many a thought of self-devotion and sacrifice rose to her mind;
at moments she would have submitted herself to any wound to self-esteem
to have obtained her father's kind word, and at others all the indignity
of a false position overwhelmed her, and she cried as if her very heart
were bursting.

Wearied and fevered, she arose and went into the garden. It was one of
the brilliant mornings which for a week or ten days in Italy represent
the whole season of spring. Although still early, the sun was hot, and
the flowers and shrubs, refreshed by the heavy dew, were bursting out
into renewed luxuriance in the warm glow. The fountains sparkled, and
the birds were singing, and all seemed animated by that joyous spirit
which seems the very breath of early morning, all save poor Kate, who,
with bent-down head and slow step, loitered along the walks, lost in her
gloomiest thoughts.

To return home again was the only issue she could see to her
difficulties, to share the humble fortunes of her father and sister,
away from a world in which she had no pretension to live! And this, too,
just when that same world had cast its fascinations round her, just when
its blandishments had gained possession of her heart, and made her feel
that all without its pale was ignoble and unworthy. No other course
seemed, however, to offer itself, and she had just determined on its
adoption, when the short, quick step of some one following her made her
turn her head. As she did so, h