on the bridge, with his
skull severely smashed--but what cared I?

'Gay was the life I led; for I was young and handsome. You laugh--but I
was handsome then--my features had not the deathlike expression which
they now wear. By and by you shall learn how I acquired the hideousness
of face which procured for me the title of the _Dead Man_.

'One day I made too free with a gentleman's gold watch on the Common;
and they shut me up for five years in the Stone University, where I
completed my education at the expense of the State. At twenty I was free
again. Behold me, then, a thoroughly educated scoundrel! I resolved to
enlarge my modes of operation, and play the villain on a more extensive
scale.

'Hiring an office in a dark alley in Boston, I assumed the lofty title
of Doctor Sketers. My shelves were well stocked with empty phials and
bottles--my windows were furnished with curtains, upon which my assumed
name was painted in flaming capitals. The columns of the newspapers
teemed with my advertisements, in which I was declared to be the only
regular advertising physician--one who had successfully treated
twenty-five millions of cases of delicate unmentionable complaints.
Certificates of cure were also published by thousands, signed by people
who never existed. Having procured an old medical diploma, I inserted my
borrowed name, and exhibited it as an evidence of my trustworthiness and
skill. The consequence of all this was, I was overrun with patients,
none of whom I cured. My private entrance for ladies often gave
admission to respectable unmarried females, who came to consult me on
the best method of suppressing the natural proofs of their frailty. From
these I would extract all the money possible and then send them to
consult the skillful agent of Madam R----. A thriving, profitable
business, that of quackery! From it I reaped a golden harvest, and when
that became tiresome, I put on a white neckcloth, and became a priest.

'Behold me a deacon, and a brother beloved! Who so pious, so exemplary,
so holy as I! I lived in an atmosphere of purity and prayer; prayer
seasoned my food before meals, and washed it down afterwards; prayer was
my nightcap when I went to bed and my eye opener in the morning. At
length I began to pray so fervently with the younger and fairer sisters
of the flock, that the old ones, with whom I had no desire to pray,
began to murmur--so, growing tired of piety, I kicked it to the devil,
and joine