ions. I proceeded to anatomize this representative
specimen.

Where he obtained his title no one knew. Some thought it hereditary, his
grandfather having been a colonel in the Revolution; others supposed it
to have been won by conducting the Mexican campaign in the columns of
the _Warrior_, after the manner of modern editors; and a few ignorant
souls believed he had been born with it in his mouth, instead of a
silver spoon. As to the man himself, his great-great-grandmother was a
Huguenot; his grandissimo-grandfather came over with Lafayette, and when
he made affirmation on "my stars and garters," he was supposed to have
reference to certain insignia of nobility, heirlooms in the family from
the time of Charlemagne. He had not stature enough for tallness, nor
bulk enough for breadth, in his figure resembled the wooden soldiers in
the panorama of Bunker Hill, who ran down hill at every fire without
moving their legs, and, like a kangaroo, had small feet and head in
proportion. He made his front hair into a curl, hanging over his nose,
like an index finger, and signed his initials with astonishing flourish,
G. B. A., usually rendered by the boys "Great Big Ayres." He spent the
winter dormant, like a polar bear, and, in summer, like chaste Diana,
followed the hunt, took his morals from Tom Paine, and was, as he said
of himself, neither a good Christian nor a bad infidel. He entered
Government service in his youth, got drunk, and had been in that
condition ever since, varied by occasionally getting gloriously drunk.
The only difference between him and a sot was drinking his liquors
genteelly from his own cellar, and lying in bed when a sot lies in the
gutter. When he was beastliest, he made frequent allusions to the
cooling board, referring to a revel, in which, having covered himself
with glory, he awoke from a dead drunk to find himself arrayed in his
shroud, since which he has been in the habit of designating himself a
resurrectionist. He sported an immense diamond, represented to be one of
the honors awarded him by Government, and loaded himself with rings,
chains, and charms, which gave him resemblance to the show figure in a
jeweller's window. He had a passion for the drama, was forever posting
to the city to inspect debutantes and prima donnas, was a connoisseur of
women, and considered a young girl, who knew "the times that try men's
souls" to be a quotation from Tom Paine, the most astonishing specimen
that had eve