my uncle, the Czar;
He won't see me licked,
Nor insulted, nor kicked,
So you better leave things as they are."

Said the Kaiser,--"That Serb's a disgrace.
We must teach him to stay in his place,
If Russia says boo,
I'm in the game, too,
And right quickly we'll settle the case."

The Czar said,--"My cousin the Kaiser,
Was always a good advertiser;
He's determined to fight,
And insists he is right,
But soon he'll be older and wiser."

"For forty-four summers," said France,
"I have waited and watched for a chance
To wrest Alsace-Lorraine
From the Germans again,
And now is the time to advance."

Said Belgium,--"When armies immense
Pour over my boundary fence,
I'll awake from my nap,
And put up a scrap
They'll remember a hundred years hence."

Said John Bull,--"This 'ere Kaiser's a slob,
And 'is word isn't worth 'arf a bob,
(If I lets Belgium suffer,
I'm a blank bloomin' duffer)
So 'ere goes for a crack at 'is nob."

Said Italy,--"I think I'll stay out,
Till I know what this row is about;
It's a far better plan,
Just to sell my banan',
Till the issue is plain beyond doubt."

Said our good uncle Samuel, "I swaow
I had better keep aout of this raow,
For with Mormons, and Niggers,
And Greasers, I figgers
I have all I kin handle just naow."

THE ALLIED FORCES

November, 1914

When Johnnie Bull pledges his word,
To keep it he'll gird on his sword,
While allies and sons
Will shoulder their guns;
The prince, and the peasant, and lord.

First there's bold Tommy Aitkins himself,
For a shilling a day of poor pelf,
And for love of his King,
And the fun of the thing,
He fights till he's laid on the shelf.

Brave Taffy is ready to go
As soon as the war bugles blow;
He fights like the diel,
When it comes to cold steel,
And dies with his face to the foe.

And Donald from North Inverness,
Who fights in a ballet girl's dress;
He likes a free limb,
No tight skirts for him,
Impending his march to success.

The gun runner, stern, from Belfast,
Now stands at the head of the mast;
If a tempest should come,