re was going to be a terrible spat.
_(I wasn't there; I simply state
What was told to me by the Chinese plate!)_

The gingham dog went "bow-wow-wow!"
The calico cat replied "mee-ow!"
The air was littered, an hour or so,
With bits of gingham and calico,
While the old Dutch clock in the chimney-place
Up with its hands before its face,
For it always dreaded a family row!
_(Now mind: I'm only telling you
What the old Dutch clock declares is true!)_

[Illustration: ELIZABETH WINSLOW, TO WHOM THE POEM OF "THE DUEL" IS
DEDICATED.]

The Chinese plate looked very blue,
And wailed, "Oh, dear! what shall we do!"
But the gingham dog and the calico cat
Wallowed this way and tumbled that,
Employing every tooth and claw--
In the awfullest way you ever saw--
And, oh! how the gingham and calico flew!
_(Don't fancy I exaggerate--
I got my news from the Chinese plate!)_

Next morning, where the two had sat
They found no trace of dog or cat;
And some folks think unto this day
That burglars stole that pair away!
But the truth about the cat and pup
Is this: they ate each other up!
Now what do you really think of that!
_(The old Dutch clock it told me so,
And that is how I came to know.)_

[Illustration: IRVING WAY, JR., TO WHOM THE POEM OF "THE RIDE TO
BUMPVILLE" is DEDICATED.

From a photograph by Leonard, Topeka, Kansas.]

THE RIDE TO BUMPVILLE.

Play that my knee was a calico mare
Saddled and bridled for Bumpville;
Leap to the back of this steed, if you dare,
And gallop away to Bumpville!
I hope you'll be sure to sit fast in your seat,
For this calico mare is prodigiously fleet,
And many adventures you're likely to meet
As you journey along to Bumpville.

This calico mare both gallops and trots
While whisking you off to Bumpville;
She paces, she shies, and she stumbles, in spots,
In the tortuous road to Bumpville!
And sometimes this strangely mercurial steed
Will suddenly stop and refuse to proceed,
Which, all will admit, is vexatious indeed,
When one is en route to Bumpville!

She's scared of the cars when the engine goes "Toot!"
Down by the crossing at Bumpville;
You'd better look out for that treacherous brute
Bearing you off to Bumpville!
With a snort she rears up on her hindermost heels,
And executes jigs and Virginia reels--
Words fail to explain how embarrassed one feels
Dancing so wildly to Bu