the Professor to subject this
implement to some process by which it will be resolved into farina, or
sawdust, and then to make a Jack Pudding of it. Many of the ladies and
gentlemen present partook of the boot pudding, and pronounced it
excellent. One lady, (a member of Sorosis, we believe,) said that she
thought it tasted like a pear. The Professor assured her, however, that
he had used but one boot in making it, not a pair. Altogether, the
pudding was a success. Freedom of action had been vindicated, and the
absurd prejudice that had hitherto prevented men from utilizing their
old boots as food, except in extreme cases, was shattered with one blow.

* * * * *

PANOPLY FOR OUR POLICE.

PUNCHINELLO felicitates the Municipal Police Force on the magnificent
new shields with which the manly breasts of its members are decorated.
Nevertheless, PUNCHINELLO considers it sheer mockery to call that a
shield by which nothing is shielded. A buckle might as well be called a
buckler as the policeman's badge a shield. Already our noble skirmishers
of the side-walk are fully provided for the offensive, and, considering
the risks run by them from the roughs, the toughs and the gruffs, it is
high time that they were furnished with something in the defensive line.
Curb-chain undershirts have been suggested, but an objection to their
use is that links of them are apt to be carried into the interior
anatomy by pistol bullets, thus introducing a surplus of iron into the
blood,--an accession which is apt to steel the heart of the officer thus
experimented on, and so render him deaf to the cries of innocence in
distress. PUNCHINELLO suggests, then, that the policeman's shield should
_be_ a shield. Let it be made sufficiently large to cover the most
vulnerable portion of the person, as shown in the annexed design. If
made of gong-metal, so much the better, as the wearer could then ring
out signals upon it with his locust far more effectively than by the
present ridiculous mode of beating up rowdydow upon the flag-stones.
Although our gallant Municipal Blue is never backward in facing danger,
yet it might be judicious for him to wear a shield upon his back as well
as upon his front, because it is just possible that, in case of a row,
his large, heavy boots might be conveying him away in a direction
diametrically opposite to the spot at which the shooting was going on.

[Illustration]

+---------------------