d, and then in a fretful
voice he asked--

"Vat shall I say?"

"Tell her about your journey across Europe--how the crops look in
Russia--what you think of St. Petersburg--that sort of thing."

A silent quarter of an hour went by, and then the Baron burst out

"Ach, I cannot write to-day! I cannot invent like you. Ze crops--I have
got zat--and zat I arrived safe--and zat Petersburg is nice. Vat else?"

"Anything you can remember from text-books on Muscovy or illustrated
interviews with the Czar. Just a word or two, don't you know, to show
you've been there; with a few comments of your own."

"Vat like comments?"

"Such as--'Somewhat annoyed with bombs this afternoon,' or 'This caused
me to reflect upon the disadvantages of an alcoholic marine'--any little
bit of philosophy that occurs to you."

The Baron pondered.

"It is a pity zat I have not been in Rossia," he observed.

"On the other hand, it is a blessing your wife hasn't. Look at the
bright side of things, my dear fellow."

For a short time, from the way in which the Baron took hasty notes in
pencil and elaborated them in ink (according to the system of Professor
Virchausen), it appeared that he was following his friend's directions.
Later, from a sentimental look in his eye, the Count surmised that he
was composing an amorous addendum; and at last he laid down his pen with
a sigh which the cynical (but only the cynical) might have attributed to
relief.

"Ha, my head he is getting more clear!" he announced. "Gom, let us
present ourselves to ze ladies, mine Bonker!"

CHAPTER XII

"It is necessary, Bonker--you are sure?"

"No Tulliwuddle has ever omitted the ceremony. If you shirked, I am
assured on the very best authority that it would excite the gravest
suspicions of your authenticity."

Count Bunker spoke with an air of the most resolute conviction. Ever
since they arrived he had taken infinite pains to discover precisely
what was expected of the chieftain, and having by great good luck made
the acquaintance of an elderly individual who claimed to be the piper
of the clan, and who proved a perfect granary of legends, he was able to
supply complete information on every point of importance. Once the Baron
had endeavored to corroborate these particulars by interviewing the
piper himself, but they had found so much difficulty in understanding
one another's dialects that he had been content to trust implicitly to
his friend's information. The C