well."

"_I am assured on the best authority, that there is no truth in the
rumour that H.S.H. the Prince of Katzendlenbogen has been laid up with
chicken-pox_;" _i.e._, "As there's no news, I may as well invent some,
for the sake of contradicting it."

"_As everybody knows_;" _i.e._, "I have a certain space to fill, and
nothing new to say, so I'll tell an ancient story, or bring in
MACAULAY'S New Zealander."

"_As all the world knows_," "except myself (the writer), who has met
with the information for the first time in a most valuable book of
reference."

"_We regret to hear that, &c._;" _i.e._, "Our sorrow is tempered by the
fact that we are utter strangers to the individual in question, and that
his or her affliction provides us with a certain amount of 'copy.'"

"_The hall was tastefully decorated_;" _i.e._, "two hired flags and an
evergreen hoop."

* * * * *

SOCIAL.

"_How are you? Haven't seen you for an age!_" _i.e._, "Didn't expect to
see you, and didn't want to."

"_Not at Home_;" _i.e._, "Doesn't she know that I've got a 'day?' Not
that I want to see her even _then_!"

"_Of course I should have known it anywhere. I think you've caught the
likeness most wonderfully!_" _i.e._, "Why the deuce doesn't he tell one
whom it's meant for?"

"_Small and early_;" _i.e._, "No supper, and something which will count
as 'a party,' at the least possible cost and trouble."

THEATRICAL.

"_The Management regrets that, owing to previous arrangements, the piece
must be withdrawn in the height of its popularity_;" _i.e._, "Not
drawing a shilling, company fearfully expensive, sooner we shut up the
better."

"_House full! Money turned away nightly_;" _i.e._, Crammed with paper,
two persons who wanted to pay for pit were refused admission by way of
advertising.

"_The new Play will probably be produced during the Summer at a West End
Theatre_;" _i.e._, "The author has had his comedy returned by every
Manager in London, with the remark, that 'although excellent, it is
scarcely suited to his present company.'"

PLATFORMULARS.

"_It would ill become me, after the able and eloquent speech of your
Chairman_;" _i.e._, "What on earth is the name of that retired
cheesemonger who talked rubbish, and mispronounced my name?"

"_When I look at this splendid meeting_;" _i.e._, "I wonder why those
back benches are empty. Some bungling on the part of the Secretary, as
usual."

"_I shall h