said the doctor; "I'm always late for a job.
By-the-bye, I'll tell you an amusing fact of that musty piece of
humanity, Miss Jinkins. Her niece was dangerously ill, and she had that
licensed slaughterer from Killanmaul trying to tinker her up, till the
poor girl was past all hope, and then she sends for me. She swore, some
time ago, I shall never darken her doors; but when she began to
apprehend that death was rather a darker gentleman than I, she
tolerated my person. The old crocodile met me in the hall--by-the-bye,
did you ever remark she's _like_ a crocodile, only not with so pleasing
an expression?--and wringing her hands she cried, 'Oh, doctor, I'll be
bound to you forever!'--I hope not, thought I to myself. 'Save my
Jemima, doctor, and there's nothing I won't do to prove my gratitude.'
'Is she long ill, ma'am?' said I. 'A fortnight, doctor.' 'I wish I had
been called in sooner, ma'am,' says I--for, 'pon my conscience, Murphy,
it is too ridiculous the way the people go on about me. I verily
believe they think I can raise people out of their graves; and they
call me in to repair the damages disease _and_ the doctors have been
making; and while the gentlemen in black silk stockings, with
gold-headed canes, have been fobbing fees for three weeks, perhaps,
they call in poor Jack Growling, who scorns Jack-a-dandyism, and _he_
gets a solitary guinea for mending the bungling that cost something to
the tune of twenty or thirty perhaps. And when I have plucked them from
the jaws of death--regularly cheated the sexton out of them--the best
word they have for me is to call me a pig, or abuse my boots, or wonder
that the doctor is not more particular about his linen--the fools! But
to return to my gentle crocodile. I was shown upstairs to the sick
room, and there, sir, I saw the unfortunate girl, speechless, at the
last gasp absolutely. The Killanmaul dandy had left her to
die--absolutely given her up; and _then_, indeed, I'm sent for! Well, I
was in a rage, and was rushing out of the house, when the crocodile
way-laid me in the hall. 'Oh, doctor, won't you do something for my
Jemima?' 'I can't, ma'am,' says I; 'but Mr. Fogarty can.' 'Mr.
Fogarty!' says she. 'Yes, ma'am,' says I. 'You have mistaken my
profession, Miss Jinkins--I'm a doctor, ma'am; but I suppose _you took
me for an undertaker_!'"

"Well, you hit her hard, doctor," said Murphy.

"Sir, you might as well hit a rhinoceros," returned the doctor.

"When shall we d