pudding, beef, and mince-pie?
Brave it out, and tho' you sit on
Tenterhooks, remain a Briton;
You can only do your best;
Boxing Day's a day of rest!
Throw aside your small digestive
Eccentricities. Be festive!

Christmas Day is on the wing.
Are you feeling wroth with
Any one for anything?
Beg his pardon _forth_with!
Though the right is all on _your_ side,
Say it isn't; say 'Of course I'd
No intention--very rude--
Shocking taste--but misconstrued'--
Then (while I admit it's horri-
fying) tell the man you're sorry!

Christmas Day will soon have flown.
If, despite persuasion,
You resolve to be alone
On the glad occasion,
Better (do as I have done!)
Vanish with a scatter-gun;
If you have to see it through,
(Better do what I shall do!)
Dining quietly at the Club'll
Save us from a world of trouble!

'KAL!'

(=TO-MORROW)

['Never do To-day what can be postponed till To-morrow, save
at the dictates of your personal convenience.'--_Maxims of
the Wicked_, No. 3.]

Sweet Word, by whose unwearying assistance
We of the Ruling Race, when sorely tried,
Can keep intrusive persons at a distance,
And let unseasonable matters slide;
Thou at whose blast the powers of irritation
Yield to a soft and gentlemanly lull
Of solid peace and flat Procrastination,
These to thy praise and honour, good old Kal!

For we are greatly plagued by sacrilegious
Monsters in human form, who care for naught
Save with incessant papers to besiege us,
E'en to the solemn hour of silent thought;
They draw no line; the frightful joy of giving
Pain is their guerdon; but for Thee alone,
Life would be hardly worth the bore of living,
No one could call his very soul his own.

But in thy Name th' importunate besetter
Meets a repelling force that none can stem;
Varlets may come (they do) and go (they'd better!),
Kal is the word that always does for them!
_To-morrow_ they may join the usual muster;
To-day shall pass inviolably by;
BEELZEBUB Himself, for all his bluster,
Would get the same old sickening reply.

And, for thine aid in baffling the malignant,
Who, with unholy art, conspire to see
Our ease dis-eased, our dignity indignant,
We do Thee homage on th