That, as her male acquaintance grows,
Her female circle pass her by
With Innuendo's outraged eye,
And Virtue's injured nose?

Lo, in the Vale of Tears beneath
A grilling troop is seen
Whom Failure gnaws with rankling teeth,
While Envy turns them green.
This racks the head, that scars the pelt,
These bore beneath the ample belt,
Those in the deeper vitals burn:
Lo, Want of Leave, to fill the cup,
Hath drunken all our juices up,
And topped the whole concern.

To each his billet; some succeed,
And some are left to groan;
The latter serve their country's need,
The former serve their own.
Then let the maiden try her wing,
The youth enjoy his roomy fling,
The Single Matron dry her eyes!
As Fate is blind, and Life is short,
If Ignorance can give them sport,
'Twere folly to be wise.

A SOMBRE RETROSPECT

Long, long ago, in that heroic time
When I, a coy and modest youth, was shot
Out on this dust-heap of careers and crime
To try and learn what's what,

I had a servitor, a swarthy knave,
Who showed an almost irreligious taste
For wearing nothing but a turban, save
A rag about the waist.

This apparition gave me such a start,
That I endowed him with a cast-off pair
Of inexpressibles, and said, 'Depart,
And be no longer bare.'

He took the offering with broken thanks;
But day succeeded day, and still revealed
Those sombre and attenuated shanks
Intensely unconcealed;

Until at last the climax came when I
Resolved to bring this matter to an end,
And when I saw him passing, shouted, 'Hi!
Where are your trousers, friend?'

Halting, he gave a deferential bow;
Then, to my horror, beamingly replied,
'Master not see? I wearing trousers _now_!'
I would have said he lied,

But could not. As I shaped the glowing phrase,
I looked upon his turban--looked again--
Mine own familiar pattern met my gaze,
And all the truth was plain!

Th' unhappy creature, Eastern to the core,
Holding my gift in superstitious dread,
Had made a turban out of it, and wore
His trousers--_on his head_!

TO MANDALAY--GREETING

(BY WALTYARD WHIPMING)

I

A song of Mandalay!
Allons, Camerados, Desperadoe