finite work in life outside of society, attention to all
these minor points is impossible, and we must either be shut out of
society altogether or be allowed to enter it on our own terms. The women
who have their living to earn have the matter decided for them. Even in
the few cases where they are welcomed among the _elite_, their work must
always take precedence of society demands. And the same thing ought to
be true in the case of good mothers. The care of one's own children
never ought to be given up for any conventional duty. But the hardest
case is that of young girls who wish their lives to be in earnest, and
who have as yet no imperative duties. No wonder they wish to make duties
for themselves. Is there any guide in deciding how far they are bound to
follow conventions? I know nothing better than the dictum of the
Hegelians. "Make your deed universal, and see what the result will be."
If everybody who finds afternoon teas a burden stayed away from them,
would any harm be done? If everybody who objects to making calls refused
to make them, would it not soon simplify life even for those who do like
to make them? If all people who chanced to meet felt at liberty to be as
friendly as they felt like being, without any formal preliminaries, who
would be injured? The question of absolute right is answered when these
questions are answered, and we ought not to let any writer on etiquette
persuade us to the contrary. But it is not so easy to say how far it is
wise for anybody, particularly for young girls, to set themselves
against the customs of their own circle. They then give up the friends
they would naturally make, and it is sometimes hard to find equally
congenial friends in other circles. Many a girl who might have been
happily married if she had not rebelled against conventionalities is
left to lead a lonely life; and that not because young men value
conventionalities, but because society makes people acquainted. She
will some day be likely to regret that she missed her opportunities,
unless she had some more definite reason for her course than the mere
shrinking from the effort society requires.

Duties we make for ourselves are seldom entirely free from affectation.
An ardent, active girl may easily become so interested in her charities
and her studies that she may make a genuine plea that she is too busy
for parties and calls; but perhaps she ought not to give up society
duties until higher duties actually open