apery store. It is said that upon being seen by another
policeman he offered to run and fetch a burglar.

* * *

Mme. DELYSIA has been bitten by a dog in New York. The owner's
defence, that the animal had never tasted famous dancer before, is not
likely to be accepted.

* * *

Like a soothing balm just before the old year dies comes the
intimation from Mr. LOVAT FRASER that there is a bright side to
things.

* * *

With reference to the opening of the pantomime season it is reported
that a couple of new jokes have been found nesting in a Glasgow
theatre.

* * *

Psychologists are inclined to attribute the recent night stampede of
sheep in the Midlands, when thousands of them jumped their hurdles,
to the influence of a large number of people concentrating on a
well-known remedy for sleeplessness.

* * *

It is stated that rabies does not exist in Ireland. Our opinion is
that it wouldn't be noticed if it did.

* * *

Very few English Christmas customs, we hear, are prevalent out
in Russia. We have always felt that the custom of clients giving
Christmas-boxes to their executioners will never become very popular.

* * *

It is rumoured that the repeated assassinations of General VILLA have
made it necessary for him to resign his position as Permanent Chief
Insurgent to the State of Mexico.

* * *

_The Morning Post_ has remarked that nowadays the Eton boy is often
reduced to travelling third-class. It is hoped to persuade Sir ERIC
GEDDES to disguise himself as an Eton boy during the holidays to see
how it feels.

* * *

It is now admitted that the plum-pudding which was badly mauled by a
small boy in the Hoxton district on Christmas Day began it by inviting
his assailant to "come on."

* * *

D'ANNUNZIO is reported to be coming to a more reasonable frame of
mind. Apparently he is disposed to allow Italy a certain measure of
independence.

* * *

People step out into the road and never look to right or left, says a
London coroner. This makes things far too easy for motorists.

* * *

Dr. A. GRAHAM BELL recently told a Derby audience how he invented the
telephone. We note that he still refuses to say why.

* * *

We are informed that, on and after the 1st of January, Mr. CHURCHILL
cannot undertake to refute the opinions of any writer who has not been
officially recognised as a best seller.