to dogs." Then she turned once more to the
lantern-bearer and commanded, "Now come on and sing, Alfy. It ain't a
dog at all; it's only the gentleman trying to make a noise like one."

* * * * *

"Rod Iron Red Mail Bird, year old; good breed;
16s."--_Provincial Paper._

We fancy it must be an armour-clad rooster of this species
that, crossed with a Plymouth Rock, was responsible for the
reinforced-concrete chicken that we met at dinner the other night.

* * * * *

"When once the exchanges of the world have righted
themselves--and that is bound to come about sooner or
later--then will follow such a reaction in the trade of
the country that will exceed the expectations of the most
sanguinary optimist."--_Trade Paper._

We think this must be intended as a hit at TROTSKY.

* * * * *

NEW RHYMES FOR OLD CHILDREN.

THE OYSTER.

The oyster takes no exercise;
I don't believe she really tries;
And since she has no legs
I don't see why she should, do you?
Besides, she has a lot to do--
She lays a million eggs.
At any rate she doesn't stir;
Her food is always brought to her.

But sometimes through her open lips
A horrid little creature slips
Which simply will not go;
And that annoys the poor old girl;
It means she has to make a pearl--
It _irritates_, you know;
So, crooning some small requiem,
She turns the thing into a gem.

And when I meet the wives of Earls
With lovely necklaces of pearls
It makes me see quite red;
For every jewel on the chain
Some patient oyster had a pain
And had to stay in bed.
To think what millions men can make
Out of an oyster's tummy-ache!

A. P. H.

* * * * *

"AT ---- HALL, ST. JOHN'S WOOD, TUES., BY AUCTION, STOCK OF A
FURRIER.--CATS. FREE." _ADVT. IN DAILY PAPER._

A CASE OF ADDING INSULT TO INJURY.

* * * * *

[ILLUSTRATION: MICAWBER AND SON.

SENILE OPTIMIST. "AND TO YOU, MY BOY, I BEQUEATH--MY LIABILITIES. MAY
YOU BE WORTHY OF THEM!"

JUVENILE DITTO. "THAT'S ALL RIGHT, SIR. SOMETHING'S SURE TO TURN UP!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

[ILLUSTRATION: AT THE MILLENNIUM STORES.

_MR. LLOYD GEORGE (CHAIRMAN)._ "YOU'VE WORKED SPLENDIDLY UP TO
CHRISTMAS, AND I