adier, as I am persuaded that
those pangs never would have been given by a mind so noble, had not the
doubt been entertained (perhaps with too great an appearance of reason);
and as I hope I shall have it to reflect, that the moment the doubt shall
be overcome, the indifference will cease.

'I will only add, that if I have omitted any thing, that would have given
you farther satisfaction; or if the above terms be short of what you
would wish; you will be pleased to supply them as you think fit. And
when I know your pleasure, I will instantly order articles to be drawn up
comformably, that nothing in my power may be wanting to make you happy.

'You will now, dearest Madam, judge, how far all the rest depends upon
yourself.'

You see, my dear, what he offers. You see it is all my fault, that he
has not made these offers before. I am a strange creature!--to be to
blame in every thing, and to every body; yet neither intend the ill at
the time, nor know it to be the ill too late, or so nearly too late, that
I must give up all the delicacy he talks of, to compound for my fault!

I shall now judge how far the rest depends upon myself! So coldly
concludes he such warm, and, in the main, unobjectionably proposals:
Would you not, as you read, have supposed, that the paper would conclude
with the most earnest demand of a day?--I own, I had that expectation so
strong, resulting naturally, as I may say, from the premises, that
without studying for dissatisfaction, I could not help being dissatisfied
when I came to the conclusion.

But you say there is no help. I must perhaps make further sacrifices.
All delicacy it seems is to be at an end with me!--but, if so, this man
knows not what every wise man knows, that prudence, and virtue, and
delicacy of mind in a wife, do the husband more real honour in the eye of
the world, than the same qualities (were she destitute of them) in
himself, do him: as the want of them in her does him more dishonour: For
are not the wife's errors the husband's reproach? how justly his
reproach, is another thing.

I will consider this paper; and write to it, if I am able: for it seems
now, all the rest depends upon myself.

LETTER XXXIII

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
WEDNESDAY MORNING, MAY 17.

Mr. Lovelace would fain have engaged me last night. But as I was not
prepared to enter upon the subject of his proposals, (intending to
consider them maturely,) and was not highly pleased