ing world. And yet, methinks, I
would be glad that the unkindness of my father and uncles, whose hearts
have already been too much wounded by my error, may be justified in every
article, excepting in this heavy curse: and that my father will be
pleased to withdraw that before it be generally known: at least the most
dreadful part of it which regards futurity!

I must lay down my pen. I must brood over these reflections. Once more,
before I close my cousin's letter, I will peruse it. And then I shall
have it by heart.

LETTER XX

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
SUNDAY NIGHT, MAY 7.

When you reflect upon my unhappy situation, which is attended with so
many indelicate and even shocking circumstances, some of which my pride
will not let me think of with patience; all aggravated by the contents of
my cousin's affecting letter; you will not wonder that the vapourishness
which has laid hold of my heart should rise to my pen. And yet it would
be more kind, more friendly in me, to conceal from you, who take such a
generous interest in my concerns, that worst part of my griefs, which
communication and complaint cannot relieve.

But to whom can I unbosom myself but to you: when the man who ought to be
my protector, as he has brought upon me all my distresses, adds to my
apprehensions; when I have not even a servant on whose fidelity I can
rely, or to whom I can break my griefs as they arise; and when his
bountiful temper and gay heart attach every one to him; and I am but a
cipher, to give him significance, and myself pain!--These griefs,
therefore, do what I can, will sometimes burst into tears; and these
mingling with my ink, will blot my paper. And I know you will not grudge
me the temporary relief.

But I shall go on in the strain I left off with in my last, when I
intended rather to apologize for my melancholy. But let what I have
above written, once for all, be my apology. My misfortunes have given
you a call to discharge the noblest offices of the friendship we have
vowed to each other, in advice and consolation; and it would be an injury
to it, and to you, to suppose it needed even that call.

[She then tells Miss Howe, that now her clothes are come, Mr. Lovelace is
continually teasing her to go abroad with him in a coach, attended by
whom she pleases of her own sex, either for the air, or to the public
diversions.

She gives the particulars of a conversation that has passed between