cricket-bat, a poker, upon his chin, and I could not; you
laugh, and so can I now, but it was no subject of laughter to me
then. This circumstance, trifling as it may appear to you, poisoned my
enjoyment. The boy saw my envy, for I could not conceal it; and as all
fools are malicious, and most fools ostentatious, he took a particular
pride and pleasure in displaying his dexterity and showing off my
discontent. You can form no idea of the extent to which this petty
insolence vexed and disquieted me. Even in my sleep, the clumsy and
grinning features of this tormenting imp haunted me like a spectre:
my visions were nothing but chins and cricket-bats; walking-sticks,
sustaining themselves upon human excrescences, and pokers dancing a
hornpipe upon the tip of a nose. I assure you that I have spent hours in
secret seclusion, practising to rival my hated comrade, and my face--see
how one vanity quarrels with another--was little better than a mass of
bruises and discolorations.

I actually became so uncomfortable as to write home, and request to
leave the school. I was then about sixteen, and my indulgent father, in
granting my desire, told me that I was too old and too advanced in my
learning to go to any other academic establishment than the University.
The day before I left the school, I gave, as was usually the custom, a
breakfast to all my friends; the circumstance of my tormentor's sharing
my room obliged me to invite him among the rest. However, I was in
high spirits, and being a universal favourite with my schoolfellows, I
succeeded in what was always to me an object of social ambition, and set
the table in a roar; yet, when our festival was nearly expired, and I
began to allude more particularly to my approaching departure, my
vanity was far more gratified, for my feelings were far more touched, by
observing the regret and receiving the good wishes of all my companions.
I still recall that hour as one of the proudest and happiest of my
life; but it had its immediate reverse. My evil demon put it into my
tormentor's head to give me one last parting pang of jealousy. A large
umbrella happened accidentally to be in my room; Crompton--such was my
schoolfellow's name--saw and seized it. "Look here, Talbot," said he,
with his taunting and hideous sneer, "you can't do this;" and placing
the point of the umbrella upon his forehead, just above the eyebrow, he
performed various antics round the room.

At that moment I was stan