flush of youth
and its capacities of enjoyment, I can imagine none more intoxicating or
gratifying than the success of society, and I had certainly some years
of its triumph and eclat. I was courted, followed, flattered, and sought
by the most envied and fastidious circles in England and even in Paris;
for society, so indifferent to those who disdain it, overwhelms with
its gratitude--profuse though brief--those who devote themselves to its
amusement. The victim to sameness and ennui, it offers, like the pallid
and luxurious Roman, a reward for a new pleasure: and as long as our
industry or talent can afford the pleasure, the reward is ours. At
that time, then, I reaped the full harvest of my exertions: the
disappointment and vexation were of later date.

I now come to the great era of my life,--Love. Among my acquaintance was
Lady Mary Walden, a widow of high birth, and noble though not powerful
connections. She lived about twenty miles from London in a beautiful
retreat; and, though not rich, her jointure, rendered ample by economy,
enabled her to indulge her love of society. Her house was always as
full as its size would permit, and I was among the most welcome of its
visitors. She had an only daughter: even now, through the dim mists of
years, that beautiful and fairy form rises still and shining before me,
undimmed by sorrow, unfaded by time. Caroline Walden was the object
of general admiration, and her mother, who attributed the avidity with
which her invitations were accepted by all the wits and fine gentlemen
of the day to the charms of her own conversation, little suspected the
face and wit of her daughter to be the magnet of attraction. I had no
idea at that time of marriage, still less could I have entertained such
a notion, unless the step had greatly exalted my rank and prospects.

The poor and powerless Caroline Walden was therefore the last person
for whom I had what the jargon of mothers term "serious intentions."
However, I was struck with her exceeding loveliness and amused by the
vivacity of her manners; moreover, my vanity was excited by the hope
of distancing all my competitors for the smiles of the young beauty.
Accordingly I laid myself out to please, and neglected none of those
subtle and almost secret attentions which, of all flatteries, are the
most delicate and successful; and I succeeded. Caroline loved me with
all the earnestness and devotion which characterize the love of woman.
It never