govern
herself. The truth is that I did adventure upon God's pardoning me this
lie, knowing how heavy a thing it would be for me to the ruin of the poor
girle, and next knowing that if my wife should know all it were impossible
ever for her to be at peace with me again, and so our whole lives would be
uncomfortable. The girl read, and as I bid her returned me the note,
flinging it to me in passing by. And so I abroad by [coach] to White
Hall, and there to the Duke of York to wait on him, who told me that Sir
W. Pen had been with him this morning, to ask whether it would be fit for
him to sit at the Office now, because of his resolution to be gone, and to
become concerned in the Victualling. The Duke of York answered, "Yes,
till his contract was signed:" Thence I to Lord Sandwich's, and there to
see him; but was made to stay so long, as his best friends are, and when I
come to him so little pleasure, his head being full of his own business, I
think, that I have no pleasure [to] go to him. Thence to White Hall with
him, to the Committee of Tangier; a day appointed for him to give an
account of Tangier, and what he did, and found there, which, though he had
admirable matter for it, and his doings there were good, and would have
afforded a noble account, yet he did it with a mind so low and mean, and
delivered in so poor a manner, that it appeared nothing at all, nor any
body seemed to value it; whereas, he might have shewn himself to have
merited extraordinary thanks, and been held to have done a very great
service: whereas now, all that cost the King hath been at for his journey
through Spain thither, seems to be almost lost. After we were up, Creed
and I walked together, and did talk a good while of the weak report my
Lord made, and were troubled for it; I fearing that either his mind and
judgment are depressed, or that he do it out of his great neglect, and so
my fear that he do all the rest of his affairs accordingly. So I staid
about the Court a little while, and then to look for a dinner, and had it
at Hercules-Pillars, very late, all alone, costing me 10d. And so to the
Excise Office, thinking to meet Sir Stephen Fox and the Cofferer, but the
former was gone, and the latter I met going out, but nothing done, and so
I to my bookseller's, and also to Crow's, and there saw a piece of my bed,
and I find it will please us mightily. So home, and there find my wife
troubled, and I sat with her talking, and so to bed