r than lords 088]

ALF'S DREAM

[Illustration: Alf's Dream 090]

"I'VE just been drinking a man's health," said the night watchman, coming
slowly on to the wharf and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand;
"he's come in for a matter of three 'undred and twenty pounds, and he
stood me arf a pint--arf a pint!"

He dragged a small empty towards him, and after planing the surface with
his hand sat down and gazed scornfully across the river.

"Four ale," he said, with a hard laugh; "and when I asked 'im--just
for the look of the thing, and to give 'im a hint--whether he'd 'ave
another, he said 'yes.'"

The night watchman rose and paced restlessly up and down the jetty.

"Money," he said, at last, resuming his wonted calm and lowering himself
carefully to the box again-- "money always gets left to the wrong people;
some of the kindest-'arted men I've ever known 'ave never had a ha'penny
left 'em, while teetotaler arter teetotaler wot I've heard of 'ave come
in for fortins."

It's 'ard lines though, sometimes, waiting for other people's money. I
knew o' one chap that waited over forty years for 'is grandmother to die
and leave 'im her money; and she died of catching cold at 'is funeral.
Another chap I knew, arter waiting years and years for 'is rich aunt to
die, was hung because she committed suicide.

It's always risky work waiting for other people to die and leave
you money. Sometimes they don't die; sometimes they marry agin; and
sometimes they leave it to other people instead.

Talking of marrying agin reminds me o' something that 'appened to a
young fellow I knew named Alf Simms. Being an orphan 'e was brought up
by his uncle, George Hatchard, a widowed man of about sixty. Alf used
to go to sea off and on, but more off than on, his uncle 'aving quite a
tidy bit of 'ouse property, and it being understood that Alf was to have
it arter he 'ad gone. His uncle used to like to 'ave him at 'ome, and
Alf didn't like work, so it suited both parties.

I used to give Alf a bit of advice sometimes, sixty being a dangerous
age for a man, especially when he 'as been a widower for so long he
'as had time to forget wot being married's like; but I must do Alf
the credit to say it wasn't wanted. He 'ad got a very old 'ead on his
shoulders, and always picked the housekeeper 'imself to save the old man
the trouble. I saw two of 'em, and I dare say I could 'ave seen more,
only I didn't want to.

Cleverness is a good t