mpanion, "open the mouth of the ass"
and inform the world of the things that belong unto its peace.

S'W'ELP ME GOD.

Whoever has seen a Hebrew money-lender in a County Court take up a copy
of the Old Testament, present the greasy cover to his greasy lips, and,
like honest Moses in the _School for Scandal_, "take his oath on that,"
must have had a lively impression as to the value of swearing as a
religious ceremony. And this impression must have been heightened when
he has seen an ingenuous Christian, on the other side of the suit,
present a copy of the New Testament to _his_ pious lips, and quietly
swear to the very opposite of all that the God-fearing Jew had solemnly
declared to be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
One's appreciation of the oath is still further increased by watching
the various litigants and witnesses as they caress the sacred volume:
Here a gentleman wears an expression of countenance which seems to imply
"I guess they'll get a good deal of truth out of me"; and there anothers
face seems to promise as great a regard for truth as is consistent
with his understanding with the solicitor who subpoenaed him as an
independent witness in the interest of justice and a sound client. Hard
swearing is the order of the day. So conflicting is the evidence on
simple matters of fact that it is perfectly obvious that the very
atmosphere is charged with duplicity. The thing is taken as a matter
of course. Judges are used to it, and act accordingly, deciding in most
cases by a keen observation of the witnesses and an extensive knowlege
of the seamy side of nature. But sometimes the very judges are
nonplussed, so brazen are the faces of the gentlemen who "have kissed
the book" Very often, no doubt, their honors feel inclined to say,
like the American judge in directing his jury, "Well, gentlemen, if
you believe what these witnesses swear, you will give a verdict for the
plaintiff; and if you believe what the other witnesses swear, you will
give a verdict for the defendant; but if, like me, you don't believe
what either side swears, I'm hanged if I know what you will do."

The fact is, the oath is absolutely useless if its object is to prevent
false witness. Should there be any likelihood of a persecution for
perjury, a two-faced Testament-kisser will be on his guard, and be very
careful to tell only such lies as cannot be clearly proved against him.
He dreads the prospect of daily exerci