ng him, and squeezing him with pincers;
And whilst I pointed to his shrivelled shape
(These moving picture-men are rare convincers),
How I should thunder to the stalls agape!

"Look at yon sinner perishing _in toto_,
Take warning lest the same occurs to you;
Each fraction of each wriggle is a photo,
And therefore must be absolutely true."

EVOE.

* * * * *

"At the short fourteenth Vardon was bunkered, and took an
hour."--_Exeter Express._

He should have read our book, "How to get out of a Bunker in Forty-five
Minutes. By One who often Does."

* * * * *

"This move of the Powers, sending a rural gentleman from the Rhine
to do the big stick stunt in Albania with a lot of blood-thirsty
savages, is about as much use as putting a boy sprout in the room
of Sir John French."--_London Mail._

Personally we put an elderly artichoke in Sir JOHN'S room when he comes
to stay with us. This, of course, in addition to the usual tin of
biscuits.

* * * * *

Illustration: THE DOVE OF PEACE.

LORD CREWE. "I DON'T SAY HE'S A PERFECT BIRD, MY LORDS, BUT HE'S THE
BEST WE COULD MANAGE, AND A LITTLE ENCOURAGEMENT MIGHT DO WONDERS FOR
HIM."

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

(EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.)

_House of Commons, Monday, June 15._--In the mid seventies, when dear
JOHNNY TOOLE was at height of well-earned fame, he for a while played
three several parts on the same night. Bold advertisement announced
"Toole in Three Pieces." Being just the kind of joke that has the widest
run over the low level of mediocrity, it filled the gallery and upper
boxes.

To-night it was recalled with fresh application. House privileged to see
PREMIER in Three Pieces. For some weeks he has appeared at Question time
in dual character as Prime Minister and Secretary of State for War.
To-night takes on duties of absent CHANCELLOR OF DUCHY OF LANCASTER. His
versatility as marvellous as his industry. In response to group of five
questions addressed to him "as representing the CHANCELLOR OF THE DUCHY
OF LANCASTER," bristles with minute information respecting number of
livings in gift of the Duchy in West Riding of Yorkshire, together with
amount of income of each benefice and nature of the security. Equally
master of intricate case