* * * *

Think, that since the 28th of May, I have not walked three squares at a
time, for my only walks are to Mrs. Brunot's!

It is enough to kill any one; I might as well be at Ship Island, where
Butler has sentenced Mrs. Phillips for laughing while the corpse of a
Federal officer[7] was passing--at least, that is to be the principal
charge, though I hope, for the sake of Butler's soul, that he had
better reasons. Shocking as her conduct was, she hardly deserved two
years' close confinement in such a dreadful place as that, because she
happened to have no sense of delicacy, and no feeling.

[7] Note by Mrs. Dawson in 1906: DeKay, our relative.

"The darkest hour is just before the day"; we have had the blackest
night for almost three months, and I don't see the light yet. "Better
days are coming--" I am getting skeptical, I fear me.

I look forward to my future life with a shudder. This one cannot last
long; I will be "up and doing" before many months are past. Doing what?
Why, if all father left us is lost forever, if we are to be penniless
as well as homeless, I'll work for my living. How, I wonder? I will
teach. I know I am not capable, but I can do my best. I would rather
die than be dependent; I would rather die than teach. There now, you
know how I feel! Teaching before dependence, death before teaching. My
soul revolts from the drudgery. I never see a governess that my heart
does not ache for her. I think of the nameless, numberless insults and
trials she is forced to submit to; of the hopeless, thankless task that
is imposed on her, to which she is expected to submit without a murmur;
of all her griefs and agony shut up in her heart, and I cry Heaven help
a governess. My heart bleeds for them and--

1 o'clock P.M.

Thus far had I reached when news came that our forces were attacking
the town, and had already driven the pickets in! I am well now.

We all rushed to make preparations instantly. I had just finished
washing my hair, before I commenced writing, and had it all streaming
around me; but it did not take a minute to thrust it into a loose net.
Then we each put on a fresh dress, except myself, as I preferred to
have a linen cambric worn several times before, to a clean one not
quite so nice, for that can do good service when washed. The excitement
is intense; mother is securing a few of father's most valuable papers;
Lill