nce in the Court while the Judge is eating,' shouted the Usher; and
the Judge said severely--

'I really think you ought
To see I'm taking food,
So, Silence in the Court!
(I'm also taking port),
If you intrude, in manner rude,
A lesson you'll be taught.'

'An' it please Your Lordship,' said the Mayor, pointing to Bill, 'this
person is a brutal assaulter of people wearing top-hats.'

'No insults,' said Bill, and he gave the Mayor a slap in the face.

[Illustration]

The Mayor went as pale as cheese, and the Usher called out: 'No
face-slapping while the judge is dining!' and the Judge said, angrily--

'It's really far from nice,
As you ought to be aware,
While I am chewing a slice,
To have you slapping the Mayor.
If I have to complain of you again
I'll commit you in a trice,
You'd better take my advice;
Don't let me warn you twice.'

'All very well for you to talk,' said Bill, scornfully, 'sittin' up
there eatin' our Puddin'. I'm a respectable Puddin'-owner, an' I calls
on you to hand over that Puddin' under threat of an action-at-law for
wrongful imprisonment, trespass, and illegally using the same.'

'Personal remarks to the Judge are not allowed,' shouted the Usher, and
the Judge said solemnly--

'A Judge must be respected,
A Judge you mustn't knock,
Or else you'll be detected
And shoved into the dock.
You'll get a nasty shock
When gaolers turn the lock.
In prison cell you'll give a yell
To hear the hangman knock.'

Here, the Usher took off his coat, as the day was warm, and hung it on
the back of his chair. He then rapped on the bench and said--

'In the name of the Law I must request
Less noise while we're having a well-earned rest,
For the Judge and the Usher never must shirk

[Illustration]

A well-earned rest in the middle of work.
It's the duty of both they are well aware
To preserve their precious lives with care;
It's their duty, when feeling overwrought,
To preserve their lives with Puddin' and Port.'

He sat down and tossed off a bumper of port to prove his words. 'Your
deal, I think,' said the Judge, and they went on sipping and munching
and dealing out cards. At this, Bill gave way to despair.

'What on earth's to be done?' he asked. 'Here's these legal ferrets has
got our Puddin' in their clutches, and here's us, spellbound with
anguish, watchin' them wolfin' it. Here's a situation as would wri