ng any more about such things than a seacow knows of the
summer solstice, I assented to all his propositions and went my way
with my apprehensions completely allayed. But in less than forty-eight
hours after Uncle Si and his men turned over the house to us, bang went
that door, and no power at our command could budge it an inch either
way.

Another carpenter came and investigated. Presently he shook his head
and smiled a bitter smile. Then he told us that the break would not
have happened if the fixtures had not been of the cheapest make. What
we required, he said, was fixtures that cost ten dollars instead of
three dollars, our door being a large parlor door and not a light
pantry door.

We bade this sarcastic genius go ahead and remedy the evil as best he
could, and the result is that the door now slides as smoothly as even
the most exacting could wish: this repair has involved the expenditure
of only fifteen dollars, and I would not mention it if I had any
confidence whatever in the door even in its rehabilitated condition. I
know as well as I know anything else that as soon as we build a fire in
our heating apparatus next November the heat thereof will warp and
twist that door into such shape that it will be as impossible to budge
it as if it were nailed down. We shall then be in a serious pickle,
for we shall be unable to enter our parlor.

The windows all over the house are fast in their casings, having been
painted so carefully by those rascally painters that it requires the
power of a steam derrick to raise them. The other morning I tried to
open one of the windows in the butler's pantry, for the atmosphere in
that place was absolutely stifling. I tugged and pulled and pushed in
vain.

Finally a happy thought struck me, and I hunted up a hammer and used it
lustily upon the obstinate sash. I must have got careless, for after I
had hammered away for several minutes I missed my aim and the head of
the hammer went through a pane of glass.

I didn't want Alice to know anything about this mishap, so I furtively
hired a glazier to repair the damage I had done. As I made no contract
with the fellow he took advantage of me, just as I should have known by
experience he would. Here is a copy of the bill he has just sent in
for me to pay:

"REUBEN BAKER, Esq., to J. SYKES, Dr.

To one pane glass 7x11 . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30
To one day's labor setting same . . . . . . . . . . . $3.6