since we took possession. And a very serious theological aspect of
this matter is had in a consideration of the fact that this prehistoric
driveway not only breaks spokes and tires and hubs and springs, but
also incites human beings to break the third commandment. I have
overheard the young man who drives Pusheck's grocery cart indulging in
expletives which I am sure he never learned as a member of Alice's
Bible class.

So, taking one consideration with another, Alice and I determined to
have a new road. Undoubtedly this was a wise determination; if we had
gone ahead from that wise beginning and built the road as we had
planned, all would have been well. The serious error we made was in
seeking the counsel of our neighbors--the very same error we have made
and kept on making over and over again ever since we entered upon this
scheme of the new house.

I take it for granted that you know as well as I do that when it comes
to roads, there are as many different kinds of roads as there are
planetoids in the solar system. Furthermore, paradoxical as it may
appear, each of these different kinds is better than any of these
others, for each possesses not only all the advantages of the others,
but also certain distinct and paramount advantages of its own. Alice
and I had decided upon a dirt road, because we believed that a dirt
road would conform in appearance to the other rustic and farmlike
features of the place, and because we fancied that a dirt road could be
constructed cheaply.

I use the term "dirt road" under protest. I am aware that what is
called a dirt road is, properly speaking, an earth road. Dirt is
filth, but earth is not; so when we call an earth road a dirt road we
commit a vulgar error by employing a wrong epithet. All this I know,
and yet, conforming to a custom, because it is a custom followed by all
except a smattering of purists, I humiliate my sense of integrity, and
I prostitute the virtue of my native speech.

In an unguarded moment, as I have intimated, we confided to our
neighbors the precious secret that the stretch of sand from our front
gate to our backyard was to make way for a modern, safe, and
comfortable driveway. Immediately we were overwhelmed with suggestions
and advice as to the particular kind of driveway we really ought to
have. You may have noticed that whenever a friend (a dear, good
friend) advises, he or she invariably tells you what you really _ought_
to have--putting