of the bed be placed to the north, the foot to the
south; and the electric current, which is stronger during the night in
the direction of the north, will work wonders on their constitutions,
insure them healthier rest, strengthen their nervous system, and prolong
their days." It is, he adds, to scrupulous attention to the position of
his bed that he ascribes his longevity, the enjoyment of perfect health,
and the absence of infirmity.

HOW THE INVENTOR PLAGUES HIS WIFE.

A facetious chap connected with one of our daily newspapers gave the
following amusing burlesque on the trials of an inventor's wife:

"It is all very well to talk about working for the heathen," said one,
as the ladies put up their sewing, "but I'd like to have some one tell
me what I am to do with my husband." "What is the matter with him?"
asked a sympathetic old lady. "William is a good man," continued the
first, waving her glasses in an argumentative way, "but William will
invent. He goes inventing round from morning till night, and I have no
peace or comfort. I didn't object when he invented a fire escape, but I
did remonstrate when he wanted me to crawl out of the window one night
last winter to see how it worked. Then he originated a lock for the door
that would not open from midnight until morning, so as to keep burglars
out. The first time he tried it he caught his coat tail in it, and I had
to walk around him with a pan of hot coals all night to keep him from
freezing." "Why didn't he take his coat off?" "I wanted him to, but he
stood around till the thing opened itself, trying to invent some way of
unfastening it. That's William's trouble. He will invent. A little while
ago he got up a cabinet bedstead that would shut and open without
handling. It went by clockwork. William got into it, and up it went.
Bless your heart, he staid in there from Saturday afternoon till Sunday
night, when it flew open and disclosed William with the plans and
specifications of a patent washbowl that would tip over just when it got
so full. The result was that I lost all my rings and breastpin down the
waste pipe. Then he got up a crutch for a man that could also be used as
an opera-glass. Whenever the man leaned on it up it went, and when he
put it to his eye to find William, it flew out into a crutch and almost
broke the top of his head off. Once he invented a rope ladder to be worn
as guard chain and lengthened out with a spring. He put it round his