o home and be unable to find the
gate; but after a little time the Observator will observe you with his
telescope from the top of the Pagoda and mention it to the Curator, who
will direct a bronzed and amiable man in a blue uniform to lead you to the
turnstile.

I am told that there are some people who do not care to sample their Spring
at Kew or in the country either, but prefer to go to San Remo or spend
Saturday afternoon toiling in their own back-garden. Let them mind their
peas, I say, while I go down to Kew.

EVOE.

* * * * *

THE CAUTIOUS AMORIST

(_Showing the effect of official phraseology on love-letters._)

Dearest Mary, this delay
In the fixing of the day
Drives all happiness away
From my ken.
If you _only_ will decide
When you'll be my blushing bride
You will see me glorified--
If and when.

They have promised me a rise
When the senior partner dies;
He is eighty and he lies
Very ill;
But until you seal your "Yes"
By a notice in the Press
I shall not feel safe--unless
And until.

* * * * *

"Bicycles of old-fashioned design acquired a new lease of life, and
took to the road, where they were joined by pony traps in which father,
mother and many children, all with crimped hair and white pinafores,
were tightly packed."--_Daily Paper_.

Father, we are told, looked a perfect darling.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE RULING PASSION.

_Absentee._ "I WAS PLAYING FOOT-BA' IN THE STREET, AND THE POLICE TOOK AND
LOCKED ME UP FOR FOUR HOURS."

_Teacher._ "DID YOU GET ANYTHING TO EAT?"

_Absentee._ "AY--A HARD ROLL."

_Teacher_. "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH IT?"

_Absentee_. "PLAYED FOOT-BA'."]

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

(_By Mr. Punch's Staff of Learned Clerks._)

The title, somewhat puzzling at first, which Miss F.E. MILLS YOUNG has
given to her latest story, _The Almonds of Life_ (HODDER AND STOUGHTON),
turns out to be based upon a Chinese proverb to the effect that "almonds
came to those who have no teeth." This rather devastating sample of
philosophy (which I have put by for use against the next person who
attempts to work off upon me the adage about those who wait) forms the text
of a well-told tale of misplaced affections. As you may expect, if you know
Miss YOUNG'S former work, it is a