assistance. "You, here! my good friend," said he, "I
thought you kept a cow?"

"Ay, plase yer honour's honour, and _two_ it was that I _once_ kept, the
craters!"

"_Once_, why don't you keep them now?"

"Ough! 'tis yeaself must answer that question, for why? the bastes did
well enough afore your rav'rence run up that bit o' wall round your
fields, seein' the cows lived off your grass; but sorra for me now, I've
sold 'em both, by rason I couldn't _keep_ 'em no longer."

An English gentleman, on a tour in Ireland, was beset at a fine
waterfall by numerous beggars; one woman was particularly clamorous for
relief, but Mr. R. instructed by his guide, said to her, "My good
friend, you cannot possibly want relief, as you keep several cows, and
have a very profitable farm; indeed I cannot bestow my charity upon
you." The woman, looking sulky, and _detected_, immediately pointed to
another, exclaiming, "Then give to _her_, for she's got _nothing_!" The
stranger in Dublin is particularly requested to send all beggars to an
institution in Copper Alley, for their relief. Being once much
importuned by an old man for money, we desired him to go to this place.
"I can't," said he.

"Why not?"

"Becase 'tis a bad place for the poor."

"How so? don't they give you anything to eat?"

"Ah, yes, yes, but the thing is, my jewel, they wont by no manes give a
poor body _anything to drink_." The intelligent reader will not be at a
loss to translate the complaint of thirsty Pat.

* * * * *

FRENCH CRUELTY.

During the late French Revolution, one of the royalist soldiers having
his horse shot under him by a pupil of the Polytechnic School, and
finding when thus brought down, that he could not regain his feet and
resume a posture of defence, but was entirely at the mercy of his
ferocious young adversary, he immediately surrendered his sword,
exclaiming, "I am your prisoner, and entreat of you mercy and life." To
which the _generous_ and _heroic_ youth replied, "No prisoners, no
mercy!" and taking from his pocket a pike-head or some similar rough
weapon, deliberately drove it into the unfortunate soldier's heart!

* * * * *

EFFRONTERY.

A nobleman being, it is said, some years since, in the shop of a
celebrated London shoemaker, saw, pass through it, a very handsome young
woman, "Who is that fine girl?" said he.

"My daughter," replied the _cord-wainer_, "wi