e many criticisms to make on those who visit us, and that, as
soon as they depart, we pass no very amiable judgment upon them, seems
to me almost natural; for we have, so to speak, a right to measure them
by our own standard. Even intelligent and fair-minded men hardly refrain
from sharp censure on such occasions.

253

But if, on the contrary, we have been in their homes, and have seen them
in their surroundings and habits and the circumstances which are
necessary and inevitable for them; if we have seen the kind of influence
they exert on those around them, or how they behave, it is only
ignorance and ill-will that can find food for ridicule in what must
appear to us in more than one sense worthy of respect.

254

What we call conduct and good manners obtains for us that which
otherwise is to be obtained only by force, or not even by force.

255

Women's society is the element of good manners.

256

How can the character, the peculiar nature of a man, be compatible with
good manners?

257

It is through his good manners that a man's peculiar nature should be
made all the more conspicuous. Every one likes distinction, but it
should not be disagreeable.

258

The most privileged position, in life as in society, is that of an
educated soldier. Rough warriors, at any rate, remain true to their
character, and as great strength is usually the cover for good nature,
we get on with them at need.

259

No one is more troublesome than an awkward civilian. As his business is
not with anything brutal or coarse, he might be expected to show
delicacy of feeling.

260

When we live with people who have a delicate sense of what is fitting,
we get quite anxious about them if anything happens to disturb this
sense.

261

No one would come into a room with spectacles on his nose, if he knew
that women at once lose any inclination to look at or talk to him.

262

A familiar in the place of a respectful demeanour is always ridiculous.

263

There is no outward sign of politeness that will be found to lack some
deep moral foundation. The right kind of education would be that which
conveyed the sign and the foundation at the same time.

264

A man's manners are the mirror in which he shows his portrait.

263

There is a politeness of the heart, and it is allied to love. It
produces the most agreeable politeness of outward demeanour.

266

Voluntary dependence is the best state, and how should that