seemed all of them to my heated
imagination to be watching me (and particularly one clean-shaven,
reddish-haired, full-faced young man) lest I looked too much at the Lady
Mary Christian. Of course they were merely watching our plates and
glasses, but my nerves and temper were now in such a state that if my
man went off to the buffet to get Sir Godfrey the pickled walnuts, I
fancied he went to report the progress of my infatuation, and if a
strange face appeared with the cider cup, that this was a new observer
come to mark the revelation of my behavior. My food embarrassed me. I
found hidden meanings in the talk of the Roden girl and her guardsman,
and an ironical discovery in Sir Godfrey's eye....

I felt indignant with Mary. I felt she disowned me and deserted me and
repudiated me, that she ought in some manner to have recognized me. I
gave her no credit for her speech to me before the lunch, or her promise
to measure against me again. I blinded myself to all her frank
friendliness. I felt she ought not to notice Justin, ought not to answer
him....

Clearly she liked those men to flatter her, she liked it....

I remember too, so that I must have noted it and felt it then as a thing
perceived for the first time, the large dignity of the room, the tall
windows and splendid rich curtains, the darkened Hoppners upon the
walls. I noted too the quality and abundance of the table things, and
there were grapes and peaches, strawberries, cherries and green almonds,
piled lavishly above the waiting dessert plates with the golden knives
and forks, upon a table in the sunshine of the great bay. The very
sunshine filtered through the tall narrow panes from the great chestnut
trees without, seemed of a different quality from the common light of
day....

I felt like a poor relation. I sympathized with Anarchists. We had come
out of the Park now finally, both Mary and I--into this....

"Mr. Stratton I am sure agrees with me."

For a time I had been marooned conversationally, and Lady Viping had
engaged Sir Godfrey. Evidently he was refractory and she was back at me.

"Look at it now in profile," she said, and directed me once more to that
unendurable grouping. Justin again!

"It's a heavy face," I said.

"It's a powerful face. I wouldn't care anyhow to be up against it--as
people say." And the lorgnette shut with a click. "What is this?
Peaches!--Yes, and give me some cream." ...

I hovered long for that measuring I had be