intelligence, but I hold him the wisest
man that hath the least faith to beleeve him. For his relations he stands
resolute, whether they become approved, or evinced for untruths; which if
they bee, hee has contracted with his face never to blush for the matter.
Hee holds especiall concurrence with two philosophicall sects, though hee
bee ignorant of the tenets of either: in the collection of his
observations, he is _peripateticall_, for hee walkes circularly; in the
digestion of his relations he is _Stoicall_, and sits regularly. Hee has
an alphabeticall table of all the chiefe commanders, generals, leaders,
provinciall townes, rivers, ports, creekes, with other fitting materials
to furnish his imaginary building. Whisperings, muttrings, and bare
suppositions, are sufficient grounds for the authoritie of his relations.
It is strange to see with what greedinesse this ayrie Chameleon, being all
lungs and winde, will swallow a receite of newes, as if it were physicall:
yea, with what frontlesse insinuation he will scrue himselfe into the
acquaintance of some knowing _Intelligencers_, who, trying the cask by his
hollow sound, do familiarly gull him. I am of opinion, were all his
voluminous centuries of fabulous relations compiled, they would vye in
number with the Iliads of many forerunning ages. You shall many times
finde in his Gazettas, pasquils, and corrantos miserable distractions;
here a city taken by force long before it bee besieged; there a countrey
laid waste before ever the enemie entered. He many times tortures his
readers with impertinencies, yet are these the tolerablest passages
throughout all his discourse. He is the very landskip of our age. He is
all ayre; his eare alwayes open to all reports, which, how incredible
soever, must passe for currant, and find vent, purposely to get him
currant money, and delude the vulgar. Yet our best comfort is, his
chymeras live not long; a weeke is the longest in the citie, and after
their arrival, little longer in the countrey; which past, they melt like
_Butter_, or match a pipe, and so _Burne_[DK]. But indeede, most commonly
it is the height of their ambition to aspire to the imployment of stopping
mustard-pots, or wrapping up pepper, pouder, staves-aker, &c. which done,
they expire. Now for his habit, Wapping and Long-lane will give him his
character. Hee honours nothing with a more indeered observance, nor hugges
ought with more intimacie than antiquitie, which he expres