sought out these two fish for the purpose of using them as magical
charms? Remember that it is as absurd an argument to say that these
sea-creatures with gross names were sought for gross purposes, as to
say that the sea-comb is sought for the adornment of the hair, the
fish named sea-hawk to catch birds, the fish named the little boar for
the hunting of boars, or the sea-skull to raise the dead. My reply to
these lying fabrications, which are as stupid as they are absurd, is
that I have never attempted to acquire these playthings of the sea,
these tiny trifles of the shore, either gratis or for money.

35. Further, I reply that you were quite ignorant of the nature of the
objects which you pretended that I sought to acquire. For these
worthless fish you mention can be found on any shore in heaps and
multitudes, and are cast up on dry land by the merest ripple without
any need for human agency. Why do you not say that at the same time I
commissioned large numbers of fishermen to secure for me at a price
striped sea-shells from the shore, smooth pebbles, crabs' claws,
sea-urchins' husks, the tentacles of cuttlefish, shingle, straws,
cordage, not to mention[13] worm-eaten oyster-shells, moss, and
seaweed, and all the flotsam of the sea that the winds drive, or the
salt wave casts up, or the storm sweeps back, or the calm leaves high
and dry all along our shores? For their names are no less suitable
than those I mentioned above for the purpose of awakening suspicions.
You have said that certain objects drawn from the sea have a certain
value for gross purposes on account of the similarity of their names.
On this analogy why should not a stone be good for diseases of the
bladder, a shell for the making of a will, a crab for a cancer,
seaweed for an ague? Really, Claudius Maximus, in listening to these
appallingly long-winded accusations to their very close you have shown
a patience that is excessive and a kindness which is too
long-suffering. For my part when they uttered these charges of theirs,
as though they were serious and cogent, while I laughed at their
stupidity, I marvelled at your patience.

[Footnote 13: _ne pergam_ (Helm).]

36. However, since he takes so much interest in my affairs, I will now
tell Aemilianus why I have examined so many fishes already and why I
am unwilling to remain in ignorance of some I have not yet seen.
Although he is in the decline of life and suffering from senile decay,
let him, if h