an one good joke a day."

"If they are all as good as the last, they deserve the benefit of
frequent resurrection, alderman."

"Why so, Mr. Blackmantle?"

"Because they will have the merit of being very funny upon a very grave
subject--_jeu d'esprits_ upon our latter end."

"Could you make room for three more gentlemen?" said the waiter,
ushering in three woe-begone knights of the trencher, who, having heard
the fatal clock strike when at the bottom of the hill, and knowing the
punctuality of the house, had toiled upwards with breathless anxiety
to be present at the first attack, and arrived at the end of the
second course, _just in time to be too late_. "Confound all clocks and
clockmakers! set my watch by Bishopsgate church, and made sure I was
a quarter too fast." "Very sorry, gentlemen, very sorry, indeed," said
Boniface; "nothing left that is eatable--not a chop or a steak in the
house; but there is an excellent ordinary at the Spaniards, about a mile
further down the lane; always half an hour later than ours." "Ay, it's
a grievous affair, landlord; but howsomdever, if there's nothing to
eat, why we must go: we meant to have done you justice to-day--but never
mind, we'll be in time for you another Sunday, old gentleman, depend
upon it; "and with this significant promise the three _hungarians_
departed, not a little disappointed.

"Those three men are no ordinary customers," said our host; "they have
done us the honour to dine here _before_, and what is more, of leaving
nothing _behind_; one of them is the celebrated Yorkshireman, Tom
~98~~Cornish, whom General Picton pitted against a Hanoverian glutton
to eat for a fortnight, and found, at the end of a week, that he was
a whole bullock, besides twelve quartern loaves, and half a barrel of
beer, ahead of his antagonist; and if the Hanoverian had not given up,
Tom would have eaten the rations of a whole company. His father is said
to have been equally gluttonous and penurious, and could eat any given
quantity: this person once dining with a member of the Society of
Friends, who was also a scion of Elwes' school, after having eat enough
for four moderate visitors, re-helped himself, exclaiming, 'You see it's
cut and come again with me! 'to which the sectarian gravely replied,
'Friend, cut again thou may'st, but come again thou never shalt.'"

"Ay, that's a very good joke, landlord," said the alderman; "but you
know I am up to your jokes: you think these long sto