ably the causes when children habitually defy
authority?

6. Is anger always a purely mental condition?

7. What importance have the angry demonstrations of infants?

8. What is the relation of the control of temper to the rightly
developed life?

FOOTNOTES:

[48] See Gow, _Good Morals and Gentle Manners_, chap. viii.

CHAPTER XX

DEALING WITH MORAL CRISES (_Continued_)

Sec. 1. QUARRELS

A child who never quarrels probably needs to be examined by a physician;
a child who is always quarreling equally needs the physician. In the
first there is a lack of sufficient energy so to move as to meet and
realize some of life's oppositions; in the other there is probably some
underlying cause for nervous irritability.

It is perfectly natural for healthy people to differ; in childhood's
realm, where the values and proportions of life are not clearly seen,
where social adjustments have not been acquired, the differences in
opinions, as in possessions, lead to the expression of feeling in sharp
and emphatic terms. Rivalry and conflict are natural to the young
animal. Children do not wilfully enter into conflicts any more than
adults; they are only less diplomatic in their language, more direct,
and more likely to follow the word with attempts at force.

In few things do parents need more patience than in dealing with
children's quarrels. First, seek to determine quietly the merits of the
cause; but do not attempt to pronounce a verdict. It is seldom wise to
act as judge unless you allow the children to act as a jury. But
ascertain whether the quarrel is an expression somewhere of anger
against injustice, wrong, or evil in some form. Sometimes their quarrels
have as much virtue as our crusades. It is a sad mistake to quench the
feeling of indignation against wrong or of hatred against evil. A boy
will need that emotional backing in his fights against the base and the
foes of his kind. While rejoicing in his feeling, show him how to direct
it, train him to discriminate between hatred of wrong and bitterness
toward the wrongdoer. Help him to see the good that comes from loving
people, no matter what they do.

Our methods of dealing with a quarrel will do more to develop their
sense of justice than all our decisions can. Be sure to get each one to
state all the facts; insist on some measure of calmness in the recital.
Keep on sifting down the facts until by their own statements the quarre