his
father had much on his mind, and would fain express, if he could express
it without too much trouble, or without too evident a need of
self-reproach, his own thoughts on the subject. "You have made up your
mind, then, altogether that you do not like the church as a profession,"
he said at last.

"I think I have, father."

"And on what grounds? The grounds which recommend it to you are very
strong. Your education has adapted you for it. Your success in it is
already insured by your fellowship. In a great degree you have entered
it as a profession already by taking a fellowship. What you are doing is
not choosing a line in life, but changing one already chosen. You are
making of yourself a rolling stone."

"A stone should roll till it has come to the spot that suits it."

"Why not give up the school if it irks you?"

"And become a Cambridge Don, and practice deportment among the
undergraduates."

"I don't see that you need do that. You need not even live at Cambridge.
Take a church in London. You would be sure to get one by holding up your
hand. If that, with your fellowship, is not sufficient, I will give you
what more you want."

"No, father--no. By God's blessing I will never ask you for a pound. I
can hold my fellowship for four years longer without orders, and in four
years' time I think I can earn my bread."

"I don't doubt that, Harry."

"Then why should I not follow my wishes in this matter? The truth is, I
do not feel myself qualified to be a good clergyman."

"It is not that you have doubts, is it?"

"I might have them if I came to think much about it--as I must do if I
took orders. And I do not wish to be crippled in doing what I think
lawful by conventional rules. A rebellious clergyman is, I think, a
sorry abject. It seems to me that he is a bird fouling his own nest.
Now, I know I should be a rebellious clergyman."

"In our church the life of a clergyman is as the life of any other
gentleman--within very broad limits."

"Then why did Bishop Proudie interfere with your hunting?"

"Limits may be very broad, Harry, and yet exclude hunting. Bishop
Proudie was vulgar and intrusive, such being the nature of his wife, who
instructs him; but if you were in orders I should be very sorry to see
you take to hunting."

"It seems to me that a clergyman has nothing to do in life unless he is
always preaching and teaching. Look at Saul"--Mr. Saul was the curate of
Clavering--"he is always preaching