o improve the impression made by his mendacity] I should
never have dreamt of writing poems to her. The thing is absurd.

HER HUSBAND [reddening ominously] Why is it absurd?

HE [shrugging his shoulders] Well, it happens that I do not admire Mrs
Bompas--in that way.

HER HUSBAND [breaking out in Henry's face] Let me tell you that Mrs
Bompas has been admired by better men than you, you soapy headed little
puppy, you.

HE [much taken aback] There is no need to insult me like this. I assure
you, on my honor as a--

HER HUSBAND [too angry to tolerate a reply, and boring Henry more and
more towards the piano] You don't admire Mrs Bompas! You would never
dream of writing poems to Mrs Bompas! My wife's not good enough for you,
isn't she. [Fiercely] Who are you, pray, that you should be so jolly
superior?

HE. Mr Bompas: I can make allowances for your jealousy--

HER HUSBAND. Jealousy! do you suppose I'm jealous of YOU? No, nor of ten
like you. But if you think I'll stand here and let you insult my wife in
her own house, you're mistaken.

HE [very uncomfortable with his back against the piano and Teddy
standing over him threateningly] How can I convince you? Be reasonable.
I tell you my relations with Mrs Bompas are relations of perfect
coldness--of indifference--

HER HUSBAND [scornfully] Say it again: say it again. You're proud of it,
aren't you? Yah! You're not worth kicking.

Henry suddenly executes the feat known to pugilists as dipping, and
changes sides with Teddy, who it now between Henry and the piano.

HE. Look here: I'm not going to stand this.

HER HUSBAND. Oh, you have some blood in your body after all! Good job!

HE. This is ridiculous. I assure you Mrs. Bompas is quite--

HER HUSBAND. What is Mrs Bompas to you, I'd like to know. I'll tell
you what Mrs Bompas is. She's the smartest woman in the smartest set in
South Kensington, and the handsomest, and the cleverest, and the most
fetching to experienced men who know a good thing when they see it,
whatever she may be to conceited penny-a-lining puppies who think
nothing good enough for them. It's admitted by the best people; and not
to know it argues yourself unknown. Three of our first actor-managers
have offered her a hundred a week if she'd go on the stage when they
start a repertory theatre; and I think they know what they're about as
well as you. The only member of the present Cabinet that you might call
a handsome man has neglected the busines