in Redbreast from the
topmost bough. Him and me and Henry Horsecollar locked arms, and
toted that phonograph around, and had wassail and diversions.
Everywhere we found doors open we went inside and set the machine
going, and Mellinger called upon the people to observe the artful
music and his two lifelong friends, the Senors Americanos. The opera
chorus was agitated with esteem, and followed us from house to house.
There was a different kind of drink to be had with every tune. The
natives had acquirements of a pleasant thing in the way of a drink
that gums itself to the recollection. They chop off the end of a
green cocoanut, and pour in on the juice of it French brandy and
other adjuvants. We had them and other things.

"Mine and Henry's money was counterfeit. Everything was on Homer P.
Mellinger. That man could find rolls of bills concealed in places
on his person where Hermann the Wizard couldn't have conjured out a
rabbit or an omelette. He could have founded universities, and made
orchid collections, and then had enough left to purchase the colored
vote of his country. Henry and me wondered what his graft was. One
evening he told us.

"'Boys,' said he, 'I've deceived you. You think I'm a painted
butterfly; but in fact I'm the hardest worked man in this country.
Ten years ago I landed on its shores; and two years ago on the point
of its jaw. Yes, I guess I can get the decision over this ginger cake
commonwealth at the end of any round I choose. I'll confide in you
because you are my countrymen and guests, even if you have assaulted
my adopted shores with the worst system of noises ever set to music.

"'My job is private secretary to the president of this republic; and
my duties are running it. I'm not headlined in the bills, but I'm the
mustard in the salad dressing just the same. There isn't a law goes
before Congress, there isn't a concession granted, there isn't an
import duty levied but what H. P. Mellinger he cooks and seasons
it. In the front office I fill the president's inkstand and search
visiting statesmen for dirks and dynamite; but in the back room I
dictate the policy of the government. You'd never guess in the world
how I got my pull. It's the only graft of its kind on earth. I'll put
you wise. You remember the old top-liner in the copy book--"Honesty
is the Best Policy"? That's it. I'm working honesty for a graft. I'm
the only honest man in the republic. The government knows it; the
people know i