s awake in the night. Do
you know what you fear most? You fear our sincerity more than anything,
although you despise us! The idea crossed my mind that night... You
thought I was making fun of you just now, Lizabetha Prokofievna? No, the
idea of mockery was far from me; I only meant to praise you. Colia
told me the prince called you a child--very well--but let me see, I had
something else to say..." He covered his face with his hands and tried
to collect his thoughts.

"Ah, yes--you were going away just now, and I thought to myself: 'I
shall never see these people again-never again! This is the last time
I shall see the trees, too. I shall see nothing after this but the red
brick wall of Meyer's house opposite my window. Tell them about it--try
to tell them,' I thought. 'Here is a beautiful young girl--you are a
dead man; make them understand that. Tell them that a dead man may
say anything--and Mrs. Grundy will not be angry--ha-ha! You are not
laughing?" He looked anxiously around. "But you know I get so many queer
ideas, lying there in bed. I have grown convinced that nature is full of
mockery--you called me an atheist just now, but you know this nature...
why are you laughing again? You are very cruel!" he added suddenly,
regarding them all with mournful reproach. "I have not corrupted Colia,"
he concluded in a different and very serious tone, as if remembering
something again.

"Nobody here is laughing at you. Calm yourself," said Lizabetha
Prokofievna, much moved. "You shall see a new doctor tomorrow; the
other was mistaken; but sit down, do not stand like that! You are
delirious--" Oh, what shall we do with him she cried in anguish, as she
made him sit down again in the arm-chair.

A tear glistened on her cheek. At the sight of it Hippolyte seemed
amazed. He lifted his hand timidly and, touched the tear with his
finger, smiling like a child.

"I... you," he began joyfully. "You cannot tell how I... he always spoke
so enthusiastically of you, Colia here; I liked his enthusiasm. I was
not corrupting him! But I must leave him, too--I wanted to leave
them all--there was not one of them--not one! I wanted to be a man of
action--I had a right to be. Oh! what a lot of things I wanted! Now I
want nothing; I renounce all my wants; I swore to myself that I would
want nothing; let them seek the truth without me! Yes, nature is full
of mockery! Why"--he continued with sudden warmth--"does she create
the choicest beings o