ount whenever the trumpet should sound.

At noon, as soon as the clock struck, they used to awake. You must know
that their clock-bell, church-bells, and refectory-bells were all made
according to the pontial device, that is, quilted with the finest down, and
their clappers of fox-tails.

Having then made shift to get up at noon, they pulled off their boots, and
those that wanted to speak with a maid, alias piss, pissed; those that
wanted to scumber, scumbered; and those that wanted to sneeze, sneezed.
But all, whether they would or no (poor gentlemen!), were obliged largely
and plentifully to yawn; and this was their first breakfast (O rigorous
statute!). Methought 'twas very comical to observe their transactions;
for, having laid their boots and spurs on a rack, they went into the
cloisters. There they curiously washed their hands and mouths; then sat
them down on a long bench, and picked their teeth till the provost gave the
signal, whistling through his fingers; then every he stretched out his jaws
as much as he could, and they gaped and yawned for about half-an-hour,
sometimes more, sometimes less, according as the prior judged the breakfast
to be suitable to the day.

After that they went in procession, two banners being carried before them,
in one of which was the picture of Virtue, and that of Fortune in the
other. The last went before, carried by a semi-quavering friar, at whose
heels was another, with the shadow or image of Virtue in one hand and an
holy-water sprinkle in the other--I mean of that holy mercurial water which
Ovid describes in his Fasti. And as the preceding Semiquaver rang a
handbell, this shaked the sprinkle with his fist. With that says
Pantagruel, This order contradicts the rule which Tully and the academics
prescribed, that Virtue ought to go before, and Fortune follow. But they
told us they did as they ought, seeing their design was to breech, lash,
and bethwack Fortune.

During the processions they trilled and quavered most melodiously betwixt
their teeth I do not know what antiphones, or chantings, by turns. For my
part, 'twas all Hebrew-Greek to me, the devil a word I could pick out on't;
at last, pricking up my ears, and intensely listening, I perceived they
only sang with the tip of theirs. Oh, what a rare harmony it was! How
well 'twas tuned to the sound of their bells! You'll never find these to
jar, that you won't. Pantagruel made a notable observation upon the
proce