fully in places where the undergrowth of life struck him as
closer, asked himself yearningly, wondered secretly and sorely, if it
would have lurked here or there. It would have at all events sprung;
what was at least complete was his belief in the truth itself of the
assurance given him. The change from his old sense to his new was
absolute and final: what was to happen had so absolutely and finally
happened that he was as little able to know a fear for his future as to
know a hope; so absent in short was any question of anything still to
come. He was to live entirely with the other question, that of his
unidentified past, that of his having to see his fortune impenetrably
muffled and masked.

The torment of this vision became then his occupation; he couldn't
perhaps have consented to live but for the possibility of guessing. She
had told him, his friend, not to guess; she had forbidden him, so far as
he might, to know, and she had even in a sort denied the power in him to
learn: which were so many things, precisely, to deprive him of rest. It
wasn't that he wanted, he argued for fairness, that anything past and
done should repeat itself; it was only that he shouldn't, as an
anticlimax, have been taken sleeping so sound as not to be able to win
back by an effort of thought the lost stuff of consciousness. He
declared to himself at moments that he would either win it back or have
done with consciousness for ever; he made this idea his one motive in
fine, made it so much his passion that none other, to compare with it,
seemed ever to have touched him. The lost stuff of consciousness became
thus for him as a strayed or stolen child to an unappeasable father; he
hunted it up and down very much as if he were knocking at doors and
enquiring of the police. This was the spirit in which, inevitably, he
set himself to travel; he started on a journey that was to be as long as
he could make it; it danced before him that, as the other side of the
globe couldn't possibly have less to say to him, it might, by a
possibility of suggestion, have more. Before he quitted London, however,
he made a pilgrimage to May Bartram's grave, took his way to it through
the endless avenues of the grim suburban necropolis, sought it out in the
wilderness of tombs, and, though he had come but for the renewal of the
act of farewell, found himself, when he had at last stood by it, beguiled
into long intensities. He stood for an hour, powerless to