I'm such a fool about these things.
But it's all you want too, East; it is indeed. It cuts both ways
somehow, being confirmed and taking the Sacrament. It makes you feel on
the side of all the good and all the bad too, of everybody in the world.
Only there's some great dark strong power, which is crushing you and
everybody else. That's what Christ conquered, and we've got to fight.
What a fool I am! I can't explain. If Arthur were only here!"

"I begin to get a glimmering of what you mean," said East.

"I say now," said Tom eagerly, "do you remember how we both hated
Flashman?"

"Of course I do," said East; "I hate him still What then?"

"Well, when I came to take the Sacrament, I had a great struggle about
that. I tried to put him out of my head; and when I couldn't do that, I
tried to think of him as evil, as something that the Lord who was loving
me hated, and which I might hate too. But it wouldn't do. I broke down:
I believe Christ himself broke me down; and when the Doctor gave me the
bread and wine, and leant over me praying, I prayed for poor Flashman,
as if it had been you or Arthur."

East buried his face in his hands on the table. Tom could feel the table
tremble. At last he looked up, "Thank you again, Tom," said he; "you
don't know what you may have done for me to-night. I think I see now how
the right sort of sympathy with poor devils is got at."

"And you'll stop the Sacrament next time, won't you?" said Tom.

"Can I, before I'm confirmed?"

"Go and ask the Doctor."

"I will."

That very night, after prayers, East followed the Doctor and the old
Verger bearing the candle, up-stairs. Tom watched, and saw the Doctor
turn round when he heard footsteps following him closer than usual, and
say, "Hah, East! Do you want to speak with me, my man?"

"If you please, sir;" and the private door closed and Tom went to his
study in a state of great trouble of mind.

It was almost an hour before East came back: then he rushed in
breathless.

"Well, it's all right," he shouted, seizing Tom by the hand. "I feel as
if a ton-weight were off my mind."

"Hurra," said Tom. "I knew it would be; but tell us all about it?"

"Well, I just told him all about it. You can't think how kind and gentle
he was, the great grim man, whom I've feared more than anybody on earth.
When I stuck, he lifted me, just as if I had been a little child. And he
seemed to know all I'd felt, and to have gone through it all. And I
burs