to let him go
neither, and yet I had no mind to give him such hold of me as he would
have had; and thus I was in a kind of suspense, irresolute, and doubtful
what course to take.

I was in the house with him, as I have observed, and I saw evidently
that he was preparing to go back to Paris; and particularly I found he
was remitting money to Paris, which was, as I understood afterwards, to
pay for some wines which he had given order to have bought for him at
Troyes, in Champagne, and I knew not what course to take; and, besides
that, I was very loth to part with him. I found also that I was with
child by him, which was what I had not yet told him of, and sometimes I
thought not to tell him of it at all; but I was in a strange place, and
had no acquaintance, though I had a great deal of substance, which
indeed, having no friends there, was the more dangerous to me.

This obliged me to take him one morning when I saw him, as I thought, a
little anxious about his going, and irresolute. Says I to him, "I fancy
you can hardly find in your heart to leave me now." "The more unkind is
it in you," said he, "severely unkind, to refuse a man that knows not
how to part with you."

"I am so far from being unkind to you," said I, "that I will go over all
the world with you if you desire me to, except to Paris, where you know
I can't go."

"It is a pity so much love," said he, "on both sides should ever
separate."

"Why, then," said I, "do you go away from me?"

"Because," said he, "you won't take me."

"But if I won't take you," said I, "you may take me anywhere but to
Paris."

He was very loth to go anywhere, he said, without me, but he must go to
Paris or the East Indies.

I told him I did not use to court, but I durst venture myself to the
East Indies with him, if there was a necessity of his going.

He told me, God be thanked he was in no necessity of going anywhere, but
that he had a tempting invitation to go to the Indies.

I answered, I would say nothing to that, but that I desired he would go
anywhere but to Paris, because there he knew I must not go.

He said he had no remedy but to go where I could not go, for he could
not bear to see me if he must not have me.

I told him that was the unkindest thing he could say of me, and that I
ought to take it very ill, seeing I knew how very well to oblige him to
stay, without yielding to what he knew I could not yield to.

This amazed him, and he told me I was pleas